we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
