hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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