Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
