If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
