Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
