I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
