did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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