I will die if light touches me.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
