I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
