WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
