Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
