She is in my trunk
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
