next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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