Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
