I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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