He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i now understand why vodka
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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