I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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