I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
