i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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