I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
