Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Soap is not a condiment
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
