6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm always down for nudity.
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