bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
