they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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