well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
