Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
