Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
