you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
