I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
