there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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