Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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