He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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