my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
