I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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