That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
