porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
