home. puking in laundry basket.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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