After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
