Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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