I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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