I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
