You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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