maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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