perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
