I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
