I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
