I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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