So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
