I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
