I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
