Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
