4 words: hood of his car
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
