I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
