i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
